EXIT: Just think about it! If you reach a point in the conversation where it is no longer constructive for either person to stay, why would you continue?
It’s not something that most of us think about. This is because we’ve been so focused on having the conversation that the idea of leaving it before it’s finished seems completely counter-intuitive.
We need to rethink this.
Would you exit if you:
- could no longer stay focused and in control of your thoughts?
- could no longer keep the conversation on topic? (this is when the other person repeatedly takes a conversation off on tangents)
- experience emotional reactions which you can no longer master that were getting in the way of you being able to have a constructive conversation?
The above questions are about you.
It may feel a little strange to you that you can exit a conversation based on the above. Don’t overthink it. Let the idea sit with you.
Would you exit the conversation if the other person:
- was not being constructive?
- was repeatedly taking the topic off on a tangent (despite repeated attempts to bring it back on point)?
- starts personalising and attacking you?
- was being accusatory towards you and/or others?
- starts blaming others?
- starts using inappropriate language and gestures?
- displays intimidating behaviour?
What would you struggle with and why?
Would you exit if the other person was:
- not listening to you?
- listening only for pauses so they can speak?
- not giving you the opportunity to speak?
- dismissing your point of view?
The last two sets of questions are specifically about the other person’s behaviour with the latter set focusing on whether the other person is allowing you and your voice into the conversation. It could be deliberate or it could be unconscious. There is a danger in assuming it’s deliberate.
Would you exit the conversation if:
- the other person kept going around and around in circles with interviews stuck on a point?
- neither of you could progress the conversation at that time?
This last set of questions focuses largely on being efficient. It’s about not pushing through the conversation without getting anywhere and about not wasting time. It’s about asking do you simply need a break to reschedule while you work out new ways to refocus and communicate?
Ask yourself:
- what are they stuck on?
- why do you think it’s important to them?
- what are you stuck on?
- why is it important to you?
There are so many reasons why we should exit a dysfunctional workplace conversation. You don’t have to exit. It is a choice.
The question I pose, for you personally, is would the conversation have a greater chance of achieving a better outcome if you were to exit, rethink and reconvene, as opposed to pushing through in the forlorn hope of a positive result when none are prevailing?
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Tess Brook is a communication specialist and author.
She transforms organisations by creating awareness of our communication needs, differences and patterns via her signature workshop, ‘The Trouble with Talking’.
With a background in mediation and conflict resolution Tess believes many workplace issues could be avoided if organisations invested in developing the communication skills of their people. Driven by this belief she has just published her first book, ‘EXIT, How to professionally exit a dysfunctional workplace conversation.’ She is so passionate about this that her eBook is free. Get your copy here. https://confidentconversations.guru/book-exit/
When she is not transforming organisations, she can be found discovering a new corner of the world to sit and write. She and her husband love rummaging through old bookstores for gems. They live on a sailboat with their two dogs and cat.