The word ‘Obviously’ as a problematic word e.g. It is obvious that we need to do this…
As a word, it is problematic because it is a ‘universal’. In the above example ‘obviously’ is used to infer or assume that the required action is obvious to all.
In conversation it is problematic because unless someone agrees that it is obvious it could lead to numerous responses. Others may:
- Feel dumb, if the action is not obvious to them
- Feel insulted or angry
- Feel like you are talking down to be them
- Feel like you are being rude
- Feel too embarrassed to ask any clarifying questions
- Try not to respond negatively and make the situation worse
- Shut down.
The resulting inaction from the last three possibilities may leave you thinking that they agree with you. This could be an inaccurate assumption.
In extreme situations you could be heading for an argument, if the other person feels:
- like you are making assumptions about their view without validating it with them first
- you are representing their view as yours to others.
Obviously is also what is called a deletion. This means not all necessary information may be visible or apparent to others.
Some suggestions:
1. Cease using the word obviously at all. Easier said than done, I know.
2. Reframe, if you know you need to get your message across find another way to say it.
3. Avoid making statements
Example
Avoid: As we move forward, it is obvious that…
Suggestion: Moving forward based on what I see, it appears we need to…
Did you notice the difference between the two sentences?
As we move forward, it is obvious that… is a statement.
Moving forward based on what I see, it appears we need to… is a personal observation and suggestion.
The statement could be interpreted as excluding other views while the suggestion appears to be open to other views and in doing so keeps the discussion a two-way conversation.
One final tip.
Buddy up: I know from personal experience how hard changing my vocabulary can be. When we use a word frequently, we often do not hear ourselves say it. I find it helps if I ask my husband to tell me when I say something I am attempting to remove from my vocabulary. Additionally, when running workshops, if I use a word I am trying to remove from my vocabulary, I tell the participants to call me on it. Sometimes we even count how often I say the word.
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Tess Brook is a communication specialist and author.
She transforms organisations by creating awareness of our communication needs, differences and patterns via her signature workshop ‘The Trouble with Talking’. Problematic words feature in her workshop. Reach out to her learn more about this workshop. Tess@cohesiveconversations.guru
When she is not transforming organisations, she can be found discovering a new corner of the world to sit and write. She and her husband love rummaging through old bookstores for gems. They live on their sailboat Saboteur with their two dogs and cat.