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It’s human nature to navigate the world on communication autopilot. We are designed that way. Why? Because, it’s efficient, effective and creates space to tackle more complex issues.

And so it is safe, comfortable and natural.

It requires effort to switch off our autopilot. And sometimes we need to do that. We may need to place ourselves outside of our comfort zone to find new or better ways to communicate.

What is our communication autopilot and how does it work?

Imagine, if you will, our brain is a massive database with incredible search and filter functions.

When we speak, our autopilot draws on our database to construct our message.

Our database has collected resources all our lives and is driven by three incredible filtering programs. Let’s call them master programs.

These programs are what I call Genes genius, Themes and Memes mentor.

Let me explain;

Our Genes Genius is what we have learnt from our family, their communication style and their value sets, along with the absorption of the same from the communities that shaped and influenced us in our early childhood. All this goes into our database. Our Genes Genius shapes our values.

While our Theme, I refer to our personality and how it filters our view of the world, guiding us to what we find interesting and what we filter out. Consequently, our Theme guides us to personalities we like and tells us to be considered or careful around the ones we don’t understand.

Our Memes mentor observes, collates and filters our environment for us, the social behaviours around us and how we experience them. Our Memes Mentor (based on past experiences) tells us to go towards the experiences we like and tells us to stay away from what we don’t like.

We need to find the balance between where our master programs master us, and we master them. Or put another way, when our autopilot hinders or aides us.

If we let our autopilot dictate all our communications, we become inflexible communicators. The impact is that others will be less inclined to want to communicate with us.  

If, on the other hand, we are aware of our communication autopilot and its influence on our language, we become adaptable communicators. We also develop an awareness and perhaps even increased tolerance of when others are communicating on autopilot. This will lead to connection, engagement and better communications outcomes. To change we need self-awareness.

We don’t want to be stuck on communication autopilot, repeating the same patterns and getting the same results. It drains our spirit, our motivation and ultimately limits our career opportunities.

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Sign up to my blog and I will take you on a journey of exploration of all facets of the trouble with talking, how we communicate on autopilot and what to do about it in order to create healthier workplace conversations and a better understanding of how we build and fracture our professional credibility.

In my next posts, I will be sharing tips on how to decrease your judgement to improve your communication outcomes.

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Tess Brook is a communication specialist, blogger, author and coach.

She transforms organisations by creating awareness of our communication needs, differences and patterns via her signature workshop ‘The Trouble with Talking’. The Trouble with Talking workshop explores communication mishaps and mayhem in a fun and safe way without participants feeling as if the finger is pointed at them. This workshop will guide your people to build their professional discourse, soft skills, communication and credibility.

Reach out to her to learn more. Tess@cohesiveconversations.guru

When she is not transforming organisations, she can be found discovering a new corner of the world to sit and write. She and her husband love rummaging through old bookstores for gems. They live on a sailboat with their two dogs and Zac the cat.